I’ve been reading in some parenting books and magazines about how babies love human faces and I’ve found it to be true, at least for little Zula. She loves people’s noses and mouths and glasses…especially they’re glasses. She’s kind of a must-touch type person and just looking isn’t enough. She has pinched my lips with her tiny razor-sharp fingernails so hard that I couldn’t even cry. I just teared up and waited for her to let go. Then she did it again, but this time with her toes. I’ve been praying to recognize her talents and that’s not quite what I meant.

But back to the human faces thing – she loves to look at me. I mean, I love to look at her, too, but she doesn’t seem distracted by the doorbell or the sound my Nexus makes when I have an email. She just keeps on looking. Well, except when she sees my cell phone. Then all bets are off. $30 prepaid Walmart cell phone trumps all. But when we play, she just loves to look at me and loves when I look at her!

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I ran across this article on www.LDS.org and it kind of touched my heart. I guess I’m a little surprised at myself now at what pulls my heart strings. I was watching a movie and kept wondering about the four-year-old kid even though he wasn’t even a main or sub-main character. I might seem like I’m rambling – my cute Zu is cooing and talking behind me in her spaceship toy – but I’m just trying to say I think I might *finally* be crossing over into motherhood. I feel less like me taking care of Zula and more like Zula’s mom. Make sense? So here’s a sweet article I’d just like to share. You can read the online version here.

Parenting, Unplugged

The Savior spoke four simple words: “Behold your little ones.” The Nephites turned their eyes toward their children. And what followed is among the most sacred events in all of scripture. (See 3 Nephi 17:23–24.)

I first experienced “beholding” when my first daughter was a newborn. Her small, insistent cry had awakened me at about midnight, and I was getting ready to feed her when it happened. She opened her eyes wide and looked for several long, precious moments straight into my eyes. As she and I truly “beheld” each other for the first time, I sensed something about the eternal bond we would share.

The study of neurobiology has confirmed the vital importance of parent-child “beholding.” According to neurobiologist Dr. Allan N. Schore, the nonverbal communication of “mutual gaze” is essential to the proper development of the infant brain.1 In later years, this connection remains crucial to the development of the minds, hearts, and spirits of our growing children.

“Beholding” is not giving a casual, distracted glance. It is the act of attending to another with the heart and mind. It is giving the kind of focused attention that says, “I see you. You are important to me.”

For today’s parents, this kind of beholding often requires the discipline to unplug, a conscious choice to turn away from our screens and turn off our digital devices. It may mean resisting the temptation to check our text messages or scroll through social media posts. It may involve thoughtfully establishing personal and family media rules, setting boundaries that will protect the sacred time that we give to one another in our families daily.

By striving to more fully and more frequently behold our little ones, we will nourish our children’s sense of worth, enrich our relationships with one another, and enjoy more of those sacred moments when we see into the hearts of our children.

Disconnect and Listen with Love

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“The answer to our prayer of how to meet our children’s needs may be to more often technologically disconnect. Precious moments of opportunity to interact and converse with our children dissolve when we are occupied with distractions. Why not choose a time each day to disconnect from technology and reconnect with each other? Simply turn everything off. When you do this, your home may seem quiet at first; you may even feel at a loss as to what to do or say. Then, as you give full attention to your children, a conversation will begin, and you can enjoy listening to each other.”

Rosemary M. Wixom, Primary general president, “The Words We Speak,” Liahona, May 2013, 82.

Note

  1. See “Relational trauma and the developing right brain: The neurobiology of broken attachment bonds,” in Tessa Baradon, ed., Relational Trauma in Infancy (2010), 19–47.

 

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